Tuesday, 13 September 2011

Obesity is rising, my fat cat should be careful.

There is no hiding that obesity levels are rising.  As the years go by, people are getting bigger and bigger to the extent that the basic necessity of walking is a chore.  Walking! Taking a light stroll to get the paper shouldn't cause pain, it should be what it says... a light stroll. 

Uh oh, there she comes.  Returning from her Roman feast of a dinner, her stomach wobbles like jelly as she plods along to where she wants to get to.  It is somewhat surprising how slow she walks, surely someone of her nature would walk a bit faster to work off that meal.  Here she comes, obvious as the thud of her against the door can be noticed subconsciously.  Here she is, my fat cat.

Cookie, a name with a slight twist of irony for a cat that loves her food.  And trust me, she loves her food.  If I asked you 'can cats bully each other?' I'm assuming that you would say no.  Don't be fooled.  As my mom puts out the food bowls for my cats, Cookie will eat on the right and Muffin on the left, a routine that they have put in place since birth.  However, Cookie can't be content with her own food, oh no.  After a couple of mouthfuls of her food, she will slyly bash into Muffin, leaving her watching on the sidelines as Cookie eats her food.  When Muffin protests- as anyone would do if their sibling stole their food- Cookie will 'take to the ring' and give her a good whack across the face, causing a silly mini-fight that results in Cookie winning and having Muffins food on top of her own. I think the 'finders keepers' rule is put into play here.

Before you start thinking 'That girl is mad, talking about her fat cat,' I must inform you of the facts.  When I took her to the vet, he said that she was very heavy and... obese, not morbidly obese yet...  but nearly diabetic.  So as any family with a cat in danger of obesity would, we put her on a diet.  Less food, more exercise- sorted.  Little did we know of course, how devious this cat really is.  We don't know how the mechanics of her little brain work to make her what I believe to be an evil genius.  This is because when returned from our holiday and picked her up from the cattery, we discovered that every time she was fed, she tried to make a bid for freedom and escape (luckily failing in doing so).  On a separate occasion proving that Cookie is a little mastermind, my neighbour one day said that Cookie just walked into his house, and fell asleep on his bed.  Not only is she defeating the object of her diet, she is breaking and entering! A few years ago, she even had the nerve to leave the present of  frog that she had skinned on their doorstep.  But that wasn't the only home she had invaded either...

If you take a mere twenty seconds to go on google, type in 'fat cats' and you will see creatures known as cats that I think are small bears.  Nevertheless, I don't want Cookie to look like that for a variety of reasons.  One- it will ruin the 'street cred' that she has earned from the other cats.  Two, I want my fat cat to live for a while and I don't want this to take her.  Finally three, frankly she's fat enough as she is and I'm not having a cat resembling a small bear.

This is why I have created a solution.  Admittedly it will never happen, but it could work...
My idea is 'I'm a Fat Cat- Get me Out of Here!' There are ten fat cats that need to lose weight, put them on a reality show in a confined area for three weeks with less food and opportunities to exercise.  Viewers have to choose their favourite cat and vote for who they believe to be... The King of the Fat Cats.  As well as losing weight, they will: get fit, form relationships with other cats, learn not to take out their aggression on other cats and realise what they need to achieve.  ITV producers- take that.

No comments:

Post a Comment